Allow me to Open Up: Make I Yap!

"Issues" - Almost too honest

2009-03-05T02:17:00.004-06:00

There are two very superficial things about me. Two things that I constantly occur to me. I usually can shake the first one off but the second one I just can't get out of my mind!

The first superficial thing about me is that somewhere in my sub conscious mind I want to marry a rich man. I want to have a dual income household of some substantial income. It is the Igbo girl syndrome. There is some truth to the stereotype. I know that growing up I always envisioned myself as Madame (powerful lady, with lots of influence and cash at her disposal). I have grown to see that life is more than just material goods and even if I reach that status I will not flaunt it, it will not be honoring to God. It goes completely against what God has for me.

It is very funny because I am very passionate about creating a culture that does not focus on material wealth. I want to help create an influential culture that honors integrity and humility. A culture that recognizes that all our possessions are gifts from God. I developed this passion after I decided to let Christ be the center of my life. I pretty much gave up that "madame" (if you are a Naija you will get this, if not sorry, ask a Nigerian friend) aspirations and I have embraced a higher, more solid and rewarding view of my life.

The second thing, I cannot shake off for the life of me is; I WANT TO BE SKINNY!! I don't know why but I obsess about it. I am not one of those girls with low self image, I actually think I am attractive even at the size I am but somehow I just can't get ride of that WANT to be skinny. I kid you not, when I see a skinny girl, I automatically think FUN, EXCITING! I can't stand the fact that I don't have a perfect body! It drives me insane! I go on my little crash diets and I have lost/gained weight a lot of time, though I have never reached perfection.

I don't understand this kind of obsession. Even as I write, I am already thinking of my next weight loss strategy, I must be a certain size before I get married. I KNOW, for sure for sure that I will not be happy on my wedding day and especially on my honey moon with this body I have.

I wonder if this will ever go away. I sure hope it will someday!

Why the Meal Update?

2009-01-15T21:30:00.003-06:00

I have a dear friend who really encouraged me last week. She was starting to eat right and exercise and she asked me for pointers. I gave her some pointers and 1 simple recipe. This was about 2 months ago. 2 months later I visit her to find that she took most of my advice and was on her way to a healthier lifestyle. Although I am no expert. I have learned a lot from my research and I would like to share it with others.

My friend requested that I post my diet so she can see some examples. Now, this is a little scary since I am not always on my best behavior but I figured that I can also use this as a form of accountability. I will be posting screen capture of my food intack (courtesy of mydiaryplate.com). I will also be posting some recipes. I tend to come up with some of my own healthy recipes because I am too impatient to follow recipe and I find that a lot of things out there are a tad complicated with too much ingredent.

Word of caution. My diet is not a perfect diet, I MESS UP A LOT. I will try to put disclaimers so that you know which days to use as what not to do! My main focus is to be as honest as possible with my transformation so that together we can learn from it.

I hope to commit to posting my daily food intake. If yoou find me slacking please please bug me. I will try to let you’ll know when I am out of town and unable to post.

Beef Broccoli Stir Fry

2009-01-15T21:22:00.002-06:00

Recipe of the Day
Beef Broccoli Stir Fry
SEE BELOW FOR INGREDIENTS

Can be eaten with 1 serving of Rice or Tortilla or With some Lettuce or salad mix

Really easy:

1. On a non stick pan heat meat and stir for about 2mins

2. Add Onions and stir

3. Add all other Ingredient and stir till meat is well cooked and broccolli is cooked to your liking

4. Taste and season to your taste

Serve with rice, tortilla, lettuce, potato

Makes 1 Serving

Mushrooms are Optional

Stuffed Chicken (Broccolli & Potato) 1/13

2009-01-15T21:03:00.005-06:00

Ingredients Below

Step 1

1. In a non stick skillet spray some 0 calorie cooking spray.

2. Roast potato till almost all cook and add all ingredient except for chicken and oil

3. Cook till brocolli till it is almost done

SEASON TO YOUR TASTE WITH CAJUN SEASONING OR ITALIAN SPICES

YOU MAY ADD PEPPER

STEP 2

4. Season chicken with salt and pepper as if you will grill it (i like seasoned salt, garlic powder, ground red pepper)

5. Cut a deep hole in whole chicken breast by slicing in the middle to make a pocket without cutting all the way.

(remember you will be stuffing this chicken)

6. Stuff chicken with step one mix

STEP 3

7. Grease baking pan with 1/2 of the oil (1/8 tbsp)

8. Put chicken on pan and sprinkle with remaining oil

Bake under 375-425 degree until chicken is well cooked

Makes 1 serving 4oz

If you have 8 oz of chicken double all other ingredient cut in half after cooked or double the nutrition facts.

Photo of 1 serving w/lettuce

I am back!

2009-01-15T18:58:00.002-06:00

Sorry for the MIA! I had too many things going on in my life.

A lot has happened since my last post. I have moved out of Texas, I now live in Southern California as of Jan 2, 2009. I am loving it here. I am making new friends, getting involved in a really cool church, making decisions without watching my back and the weather is amazing. I do miss my family and my friends in Texas!

I am currently in the job market. I am a discouraged worker who is now cyclically unemployed (my economics teacher will be proud). I have been in the job market for over 6months now. I am so ready to start my business now and I am now seriously working on it. I will continue to work on my business ideas even after I get a job. I cannot wait till I start living my passion.

I am currently on a body transformation and a healthy lifestyle quest. I am posting my daily consumption and my exercise on . I am currently tweeking my "diet" and coming up with a plan that is good for me and works for me.

I am glad to be blogging again. I hope to commit to this. I plan on posting my diet and recipes on this blog so that I can help others who are trying to adapt to a healthy lifestyle. That's it folks! Leave your comments. :-)

Hope from within

2008-10-07T15:50:00.003-05:00

I got up today with so much hope that I had to share it. The past week has been such an emotionally draining week! For most of you that don't know me. I am currently in an IR relationship that is going well but my mom is giving me a hard time. She doesn't want me to be in the relationship because she just doesn't like my bf. She has never really given him a chance.

I have kinda accepted the fact that she might never give him a chance. I have almost given up that she will become comfortable enough and let go of some assumed fears. All I want is for her wahala to stop. I just want her to get used to the fact that she has not given me a good reason to doubt the relationship.

There is so much unnecessary wahala (drama). It started to take a huge toll on me. I decided to take a few days to just take care of myself and focus on the Lord for strenght. I was starting to cry almost every single day and I was starting to internalize and overreact to everything.

I took some emotional time off. I wanted to let go of some stress and focus on God's love. I needed to remind myself that God has promised that his plans will result in a future and a hope. I needed to remember that whether I liked it or not God is the only one I need in life and everything else is jara (extra, icing on the cake). I needed to realize that no matter the circumstance and the outcome my needs has already been met because God is all I need! I needed to put God first and remember that the jara is not required, it's just extra blessing.

Ofcourse I knew this intellectually but I just needed to really absorb it and let it simmer in me. I have been praying and letting God just work in me. I wanted to do this because without it I was running the risk of making the things around me take over the place of God. Things were just taking uneccessary control over me.

God has been really gracious and I was starting to slowly come back to confiding solely on God. Another thing happened and it was almost back to square one but God helped me navigate through my emotions. He moved me to do some practical things to deal with this.

I woke up this morning expecting to be freaked out by the recent events but found myself with so much hope. I don't remember the last time I have felt hope like this. Hope from within. Hope that had nothing to do with my situation because based on the recent happenings I expected be in deep inner turmoil. I just know that this is God's doing and I am so grateful. I am grateful that he can teach me to depend on his consistancy and not really on this roller coaster ride called life.

My Response to: Does interracial relationship affect our women the same way as men?

2008-10-03T02:49:00.002-05:00

A Fellow blogger wrote the following article and posed this question: I was compeled to answer.

ARTICLE

Does interracial relationship affect our women the same way as men?Posted by Prince Kennedy Iyoha on September 2, 2008 at 9:36am

have often listened to friends say, it is impossible for an interracial marriage to succeed. Many argue, that most of the children, fruits of such marriage, will never go to Africa with you, while others believe, that when you intend to retire after all your years in oversees, your family will desert you and then the irony of being alone will fall on you. I have on many occasion argue that though some brothers that came here before us may have suffered such terrible pains, some also have had a happy and successful interracial marriage and are happy to do so. This friends, never accepted my arguments, rather they argued that less than 10% have succeeded to return home with their family. My question is, do our women also suffer the same faith with our men? Does interracial relationship affect our women the same way as men?

MY RESPONSE

Permalink Reply by Ezichi 1 minute ago
Delete I think it all depends on how you handle your interracial marriage. Anyone can lose touch of certain friends and family members after they get married. It is up to them though to make it a point to keep family and friends that are important to them. Now, I am not saying that everything is a walk in the park. I do realize that it could be harder to keep those cultural and family connections together in a multi cultural relationship but if it is something that is important to you then you must work at it.

I think that the concern and the statistic you pose is not deniable but we need to consider all things. We need to consider what those men are doing to maintain their family relationships after they get married. You cannot get married, forget your family and friends (people @ home) for years and expect to just come back with open arms. How many of these men have tried to maintain their culture after they got married?

Another question. How many of these men even want to come back home? Are we just assuming that they want to come home and it has been impossible? Maybe, these men don't have it in their retirment plan to settle at home. I can't be that hard to try to settle in Nigeria especially with American income or British income and it being impossible! If there trully is a genuine will I feel like there definitely is a way.

Whether you are in an inter cultural relationship of even in a relationship with a fellow Naija you must make sure you express your intent to come home before marriage so that everybody has a clear expectation for their future. It might take a little more work to bridge cultural gaps in a multi cultural relationship but it is not impossible!

There are many responses to your final question. On one hand, it is easier for women to communicate and therefore it makes it easier for us to keep the connections that will eventually keep the relationships and enable a smoother trnsition back home. On another hand, men are to be "head" of their households and whn men marry, even across cultural line they will never lose the position they have in their fathers house. I mean, men get to keep their last names for Christ sakes. If they wanted to go back hime, back to their lands, back to their villages, no one can take that right away from them. They might need to be a little more aggressive if they have robbed some feathers but ultimately (culturally) they can still go back home. For women, it is a little harder.

So, to me the answer is a yes and a no. I really hope people consider these individuals that they assume have "closed their books on going back home." Ask the question, do these people even want to be back home? What have these people actually done to maintain their family and culture? In other words, analyse all the factors before jumping to the stated conclusion. I think that if they really do their research they will find that the seemingly obvious may not always be the case.

ThatTheyMayB1: Understanding the Financial Crisis

2008-09-30T23:22:00.000-05:00

ThatTheyMayB1: Understanding the Financial Crisis

Mildred Loving Dies; Interracial Marriage Survives

2008-09-29T23:13:00.004-05:00

RICHMOND, Va. (AP) ― Mildred Loving, a black woman whose challenge to Virginia's ban on interracial marriage led to a landmark Supreme Court ruling striking down such laws nationwide, has died, her daughter said Monday.

Peggy Fortune said Loving, 68, died Friday at her home in rural Milford. She did not disclose the cause of death.

"I want (people) to remember her as being strong and brave yet humble - and believed in love," Fortune told The Associated Press.

Loving and her white husband, Richard, changed history in 1967 when the U.S. Supreme Court upheld their right to marry. The ruling struck down laws banning racially mixed marriages in at least 17 states.

"There can be no doubt that restricting the freedom to marry solely because of racial classifications violates the central meaning of the equal protection clause," the court ruled in a unanimous decision.

Her husband died in 1975. Shy and soft-spoken, Loving shunned publicity and in a rare interview with The Associated Press last June, insisted she never wanted to be a hero - just a bride.

"It wasn't my doing," Loving said. "It was God's work."

Mildred Jeter was 11 when she and 17-year-old Richard began courting, according to Phyl Newbeck, a Vermont author who detailed the case in the 2004 book, "Virginia Hasn't Always Been for Lovers."

She became pregnant a few years later, she and Loving got married in Washington in 1958, when she was 18. Mildred told the AP she didn't realize it was illegal.

"I think my husband knew," Mildred said. "I think he thought (if) we were married, they couldn't bother us."

But they were arrested a few weeks after they returned to Central Point, their hometown in rural Caroline County north of Richmond. They pleaded guilty to charges of "cohabiting as man and wife, against the peace and dignity of the Commonwealth," according to their indictments.

They avoided jail time by agreeing to leave Virginia - the only home they'd known - for 25 years. They moved to Washington for several years, then launched a legal challenge by writing to Attorney General Robert F. Kennedy, who referred the case to the American Civil Liberties Union.

Attorneys later said the case came at the perfect time - just as lawmakers passed the Civil Rights Act, and as across the South, blacks were defying Jim Crow's hold.

"The law that threatened the Lovings with a year in jail was a vestige of a hateful, discriminatory past that could not stand in the face of the Lovings' quiet dignity," said Steven Shapiro, national legal director for the ACLU.

"We loved each other and got married," she told The Washington Evening Star in 1965, when the case was pending. "We are not marrying the state. The law should allow a person to marry anyone he wants."

After the Supreme Court ruled, the couple returned to Virginia, where they lived with their children, Donald, Peggy and Sidney. Each June 12, the anniversary of the ruling, Loving Day events around the country mark the advances of mixed-race couples.

Richard Loving died in a car accident that also injured his wife. "They said I had to leave the state once, and I left with my wife," he told the Star in 1965. "If necessary, I will leave Virginia again with my wife, but I am not going to divorce her."

(© 2008 The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.)

Naija woman + Oyibo Man Movies???

2008-09-22T06:15:00.007-05:00

Yes! I too did a double take. It is true. The movie is called "Through the glass". I think? This is a Nigerian movie starring non other than Stephanie Okereke. It looks to be very good and high quality. I cannot wait to see it. Check out the preview below.

I AM VERY EXCITED ABOUT THIS!

A Little on the movie:

"Jeffrey [Garret Mckenchnie] lives the ultimate bachelor's life through numerous non committed relationships, but struggles to excel at work and gain his father's love and acceptance.Jeffrey's life gets more intriguing when life deals him a card that stops him in his track. On a typical day, he returns from work to find a note "take care of your responsibility" Left on top a baby abandoned on his doorstep. In nothing short of what is scary, confusing and comedic, he turns to his Nigerian neighbour, Ada [Star actress Stephanie Okereke] who he has a secret crush on to help him."

What happens to the baby and what about his crush on Ada? Will he become commited? That readers will have to wait till you see the move. Enjoy the preview though

ABEG GET THE WORD OUT!! Maybe I should just travel to LA to show my support...

Random Nonsense!

2008-09-22T05:39:00.004-05:00

i just wanted an excuse to share this photo!

Nigeria: Me, Sister and 2nd Cousin dad's side

Me! Ist California Visit! How time flies...

My Oh so awesome little brother

The boys and I.. I am the oldest. Can you tell

Funtimes. My friends representing @ my sis' party

Friendship from waaaay back

You already know!

Black Women & IR (Interracial Relationships)

2008-09-22T04:05:00.014-05:00

It's happening and I LOVE IT iLove it I love it!

The media is shinning some light on it and people are becoming more and more exposed to it!

Most people who know me know that I am a big supporter of interracial relationships. I am in one and I have always been attracted to men outside my race! There was once a time when it was hard to find information on black women dating outside of their race. It was a topic that was just not talked about. I am pleased to see many blogs, groups, google images about black women and IR.

I am such a big supporter of interracial love. I think it is beautiful when black women get together with white men, asian men, indian men, hispanics! I just like the fact that love is more than skin deep and the fact that 2 people who come from different backgrounds can have so much in common.

Some Misconceptions

As I immerse myself in this fun surfing adventures of BW interracial topics I can't help but notice a certain rhetoric. There is a lot of talk that black women date outside their race because they have a stereotypical view of black men. While I cannot speak for other black women, I must say that this is not the case for me. I have the privelege of growing up in an environment with positive black male. My father loved his family. Infact, I am who I am because of my black father. He was educated, hardworking, respectful, responsible, God loving. It is funny because the white man that I am dating reminds me so much of my father and that is a good thing! I have 2 very good looking, wonderful, inspiring, college educated brothers and so many great black male friends. In short, for me I love my black brothas but I just seem to be romantically attracted to white male. I don't think that my attraction should take anything away from my views that their a many good brothas out there. All I am saying is, don't take it personally.

Some Concerns

Although information is good. I fear a trend. I do not want BWWM IR to become just a trend. IR need to be carefully entered into because by nature it tends to bring 2 people from 2 different backgrounds together. Relationships are already hard because human beings are selfish and very flawed. Relationships take a lot of commitment, work and "dying to self." IR is no different. Infact IR has it's own unique challenges because of the multi-background tendency. Not only are you blending 2 individuals you are blending 2 backgrounds, different upbringing, different views of the basic things in life.

CONCLSION

I am a strong supporter of love. I pay more attention to topics about black women in love because I am a black woman and these issues are close to my heart. I support black women in IR because it is different and it is beautiful. I hope to see many black women in IR staying together, getting married and commiting to a forever after with their hobbies. I pray that more people will find God because his value system far exceeds any other value system you can find. I believe that any relationship that puts God 1st will succeed. SO HAPPY LOVE!

My Nigeria

2008-09-22T00:49:00.006-05:00

Nigeria, my home, my country of birth, the country of my father. I am an Igbo girl with a passion for my people! I eat rice almost every day and I can roll the biggest garry. I used to compire my garry with my father's and they used to remind me that I am a girl and I soundn't swallow fufu like a man. They said I will develope an adam's apple. The memories...

I wish people will understand my love for my country, my culture and my heritage. I wish the world will look at my history and realize that it would be almost impossible to snatch the Igbo girl out of me.

I understand how people coluld assume that being in an intercultural relationship could draw someone away from their culture but I shall argue that it is just perception. There are many factors to consider when it come to culture retention. It is not a one dimentional thing. Marrying into another culture does not automatically a person from their culture.

I believe that it is very important for people to remain true to themself in life, in love etc. For me this means remaining true to my values, my love for Christ, my love for my family and my love/passion for Nigeria.

Self induced heart burn...

2008-09-22T00:07:00.007-05:00

FOOD: Sometimes I go Overboard!

I have a love/hate relationship with food. Sometimes I can manage it and other times... well I eat a whole pint of Ice-Cream by 8:30pm for no reason what so ever! Tonight was one of those days.

I was doing good too! I had a sensible dinner with lots of green and lots of lean protein. I was satisfied with my days meal consumption but then I got bored. I decided to make a quick dash to walmart and ended up with a pint of Ben & Jerry's 280*4 calories of bliss and destruction. Knowing fully well that I would eat the whole thing and it will do much damage to my health.

I am a believer in indulge once in a while but too much of a good thing is bad, oh so very bad. Oh wells! What can a woman do? I cannot beat myself up after the fact. That, my friend, is pointless.

I must say I enjoyed every bit but I now have a heartburn show for it. Thanks akpiri (apetite)! I hope I remember this feeling the next time I feel the need to INDULGE.

My Interracial Relationship

2008-09-21T23:04:00.008-05:00

Where do I start? I will start with a little overview.

I am in love with a great man! We have been together for a little over a year and have known eachother for a little longer than that. We are in a "bit", ok a long distant relationship but hopefully all that will change very soon.

Although from different backgrounds, we get along very well. He is a caucasian American and I am a black African. More specifically, I am Nigerian by birth, parents, everything! I consider myself a true Igbo girl, born, bread and buttered! My Naija folks will understand that last sentence.

Some of you might ask; what is a "true Igbo girl" doing with an Oyibo (American/white) man? My response is: why not? We get along very well and I am very thankful to have him in my life.

I felt the need to shine a little light on my relationship because I will be posting some blogs about some of our experiences on this blog. I am excited about opening up on our relationship because is not much information about IR among Nigerian or African. I hope to help people with my experience and I hope to learn more from people who have been there and done that.