I got up today with so much hope that I had to share it. The past week has been such an emotionally draining week! For most of you that don't know me. I am currently in an IR relationship that is going well but my mom is giving me a hard time. She doesn't want me to be in the relationship because she just doesn't like my bf. She has never really given him a chance.
I have kinda accepted the fact that she might never give him a chance. I have almost given up that she will become comfortable enough and let go of some assumed fears. All I want is for her wahala to stop. I just want her to get used to the fact that she has not given me a good reason to doubt the relationship.
There is so much unnecessary wahala (drama). It started to take a huge toll on me. I decided to take a few days to just take care of myself and focus on the Lord for strenght. I was starting to cry almost every single day and I was starting to internalize and overreact to everything.
I took some emotional time off. I wanted to let go of some stress and focus on God's love. I needed to remind myself that God has promised that his plans will result in a future and a hope. I needed to remember that whether I liked it or not God is the only one I need in life and everything else is jara (extra, icing on the cake). I needed to realize that no matter the circumstance and the outcome my needs has already been met because God is all I need! I needed to put God first and remember that the jara is not required, it's just extra blessing.
Ofcourse I knew this intellectually but I just needed to really absorb it and let it simmer in me. I have been praying and letting God just work in me. I wanted to do this because without it I was running the risk of making the things around me take over the place of God. Things were just taking uneccessary control over me.
God has been really gracious and I was starting to slowly come back to confiding solely on God. Another thing happened and it was almost back to square one but God helped me navigate through my emotions. He moved me to do some practical things to deal with this.
I woke up this morning expecting to be freaked out by the recent events but found myself with so much hope. I don't remember the last time I have felt hope like this. Hope from within. Hope that had nothing to do with my situation because based on the recent happenings I expected be in deep inner turmoil. I just know that this is God's doing and I am so grateful. I am grateful that he can teach me to depend on his consistancy and not really on this roller coaster ride called life.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Friday, October 3, 2008
My Response to: Does interracial relationship affect our women the same way as men?
A Fellow blogger wrote the following article and posed this question: I was compeled to answer.
ARTICLE
Does interracial relationship affect our women the same way as men?Posted by Prince Kennedy Iyoha on September 2, 2008 at 9:36am
have often listened to friends say, it is impossible for an interracial marriage to succeed. Many argue, that most of the children, fruits of such marriage, will never go to Africa with you, while others believe, that when you intend to retire after all your years in oversees, your family will desert you and then the irony of being alone will fall on you. I have on many occasion argue that though some brothers that came here before us may have suffered such terrible pains, some also have had a happy and successful interracial marriage and are happy to do so. This friends, never accepted my arguments, rather they argued that less than 10% have succeeded to return home with their family. My question is, do our women also suffer the same faith with our men? Does interracial relationship affect our women the same way as men?
MY RESPONSE
Permalink Reply by Ezichi 1 minute ago
Delete I think it all depends on how you handle your interracial marriage. Anyone can lose touch of certain friends and family members after they get married. It is up to them though to make it a point to keep family and friends that are important to them. Now, I am not saying that everything is a walk in the park. I do realize that it could be harder to keep those cultural and family connections together in a multi cultural relationship but if it is something that is important to you then you must work at it.
I think that the concern and the statistic you pose is not deniable but we need to consider all things. We need to consider what those men are doing to maintain their family relationships after they get married. You cannot get married, forget your family and friends (people @ home) for years and expect to just come back with open arms. How many of these men have tried to maintain their culture after they got married?
Another question. How many of these men even want to come back home? Are we just assuming that they want to come home and it has been impossible? Maybe, these men don't have it in their retirment plan to settle at home. I can't be that hard to try to settle in Nigeria especially with American income or British income and it being impossible! If there trully is a genuine will I feel like there definitely is a way.
Whether you are in an inter cultural relationship of even in a relationship with a fellow Naija you must make sure you express your intent to come home before marriage so that everybody has a clear expectation for their future. It might take a little more work to bridge cultural gaps in a multi cultural relationship but it is not impossible!
There are many responses to your final question. On one hand, it is easier for women to communicate and therefore it makes it easier for us to keep the connections that will eventually keep the relationships and enable a smoother trnsition back home. On another hand, men are to be "head" of their households and whn men marry, even across cultural line they will never lose the position they have in their fathers house. I mean, men get to keep their last names for Christ sakes. If they wanted to go back hime, back to their lands, back to their villages, no one can take that right away from them. They might need to be a little more aggressive if they have robbed some feathers but ultimately (culturally) they can still go back home. For women, it is a little harder.
So, to me the answer is a yes and a no. I really hope people consider these individuals that they assume have "closed their books on going back home." Ask the question, do these people even want to be back home? What have these people actually done to maintain their family and culture? In other words, analyse all the factors before jumping to the stated conclusion. I think that if they really do their research they will find that the seemingly obvious may not always be the case.
ARTICLE
Does interracial relationship affect our women the same way as men?Posted by Prince Kennedy Iyoha on September 2, 2008 at 9:36am
have often listened to friends say, it is impossible for an interracial marriage to succeed. Many argue, that most of the children, fruits of such marriage, will never go to Africa with you, while others believe, that when you intend to retire after all your years in oversees, your family will desert you and then the irony of being alone will fall on you. I have on many occasion argue that though some brothers that came here before us may have suffered such terrible pains, some also have had a happy and successful interracial marriage and are happy to do so. This friends, never accepted my arguments, rather they argued that less than 10% have succeeded to return home with their family. My question is, do our women also suffer the same faith with our men? Does interracial relationship affect our women the same way as men?
MY RESPONSE
Permalink Reply by Ezichi 1 minute ago
Delete I think it all depends on how you handle your interracial marriage. Anyone can lose touch of certain friends and family members after they get married. It is up to them though to make it a point to keep family and friends that are important to them. Now, I am not saying that everything is a walk in the park. I do realize that it could be harder to keep those cultural and family connections together in a multi cultural relationship but if it is something that is important to you then you must work at it.
I think that the concern and the statistic you pose is not deniable but we need to consider all things. We need to consider what those men are doing to maintain their family relationships after they get married. You cannot get married, forget your family and friends (people @ home) for years and expect to just come back with open arms. How many of these men have tried to maintain their culture after they got married?
Another question. How many of these men even want to come back home? Are we just assuming that they want to come home and it has been impossible? Maybe, these men don't have it in their retirment plan to settle at home. I can't be that hard to try to settle in Nigeria especially with American income or British income and it being impossible! If there trully is a genuine will I feel like there definitely is a way.
Whether you are in an inter cultural relationship of even in a relationship with a fellow Naija you must make sure you express your intent to come home before marriage so that everybody has a clear expectation for their future. It might take a little more work to bridge cultural gaps in a multi cultural relationship but it is not impossible!
There are many responses to your final question. On one hand, it is easier for women to communicate and therefore it makes it easier for us to keep the connections that will eventually keep the relationships and enable a smoother trnsition back home. On another hand, men are to be "head" of their households and whn men marry, even across cultural line they will never lose the position they have in their fathers house. I mean, men get to keep their last names for Christ sakes. If they wanted to go back hime, back to their lands, back to their villages, no one can take that right away from them. They might need to be a little more aggressive if they have robbed some feathers but ultimately (culturally) they can still go back home. For women, it is a little harder.
So, to me the answer is a yes and a no. I really hope people consider these individuals that they assume have "closed their books on going back home." Ask the question, do these people even want to be back home? What have these people actually done to maintain their family and culture? In other words, analyse all the factors before jumping to the stated conclusion. I think that if they really do their research they will find that the seemingly obvious may not always be the case.
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