Hope from within

I got up today with so much hope that I had to share it. The past week has been such an emotionally draining week! For most of you that don't know me. I am currently in an IR relationship that is going well but my mom is giving me a hard time. She doesn't want me to be in the relationship because she just doesn't like my bf. She has never really given him a chance.

I have kinda accepted the fact that she might never give him a chance. I have almost given up that she will become comfortable enough and let go of some assumed fears. All I want is for her wahala to stop. I just want her to get used to the fact that she has not given me a good reason to doubt the relationship.

There is so much unnecessary wahala (drama). It started to take a huge toll on me. I decided to take a few days to just take care of myself and focus on the Lord for strenght. I was starting to cry almost every single day and I was starting to internalize and overreact to everything.

I took some emotional time off. I wanted to let go of some stress and focus on God's love. I needed to remind myself that God has promised that his plans will result in a future and a hope. I needed to remember that whether I liked it or not God is the only one I need in life and everything else is jara (extra, icing on the cake). I needed to realize that no matter the circumstance and the outcome my needs has already been met because God is all I need! I needed to put God first and remember that the jara is not required, it's just extra blessing.

Ofcourse I knew this intellectually but I just needed to really absorb it and let it simmer in me. I have been praying and letting God just work in me. I wanted to do this because without it I was running the risk of making the things around me take over the place of God. Things were just taking uneccessary control over me.

God has been really gracious and I was starting to slowly come back to confiding solely on God. Another thing happened and it was almost back to square one but God helped me navigate through my emotions. He moved me to do some practical things to deal with this.

I woke up this morning expecting to be freaked out by the recent events but found myself with so much hope. I don't remember the last time I have felt hope like this. Hope from within. Hope that had nothing to do with my situation because based on the recent happenings I expected be in deep inner turmoil. I just know that this is God's doing and I am so grateful. I am grateful that he can teach me to depend on his consistancy and not really on this roller coaster ride called life.