"Issues" - Almost too honest

There are two very superficial things about me. Two things that I constantly occur to me. I usually can shake the first one off but the second one I just can't get out of my mind!

The first superficial thing about me is that somewhere in my sub conscious mind I want to marry a rich man. I want to have a dual income household of some substantial income. It is the Igbo girl syndrome. There is some truth to the stereotype. I know that growing up I always envisioned myself as Madame (powerful lady, with lots of influence and cash at her disposal). I have grown to see that life is more than just material goods and even if I reach that status I will not flaunt it, it will not be honoring to God. It goes completely against what God has for me.

It is very funny because I am very passionate about creating a culture that does not focus on material wealth. I want to help create an influential culture that honors integrity and humility. A culture that recognizes that all our possessions are gifts from God. I developed this passion after I decided to let Christ be the center of my life. I pretty much gave up that "madame" (if you are a Naija you will get this, if not sorry, ask a Nigerian friend) aspirations and I have embraced a higher, more solid and rewarding view of my life.

The second thing, I cannot shake off for the life of me is; I WANT TO BE SKINNY!! I don't know why but I obsess about it. I am not one of those girls with low self image, I actually think I am attractive even at the size I am but somehow I just can't get ride of that WANT to be skinny. I kid you not, when I see a skinny girl, I automatically think FUN, EXCITING! I can't stand the fact that I don't have a perfect body! It drives me insane! I go on my little crash diets and I have lost/gained weight a lot of time, though I have never reached perfection.

I don't understand this kind of obsession. Even as I write, I am already thinking of my next weight loss strategy, I must be a certain size before I get married. I KNOW, for sure for sure that I will not be happy on my wedding day and especially on my honey moon with this body I have.

I wonder if this will ever go away. I sure hope it will someday!