Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Hope from within
I have kinda accepted the fact that she might never give him a chance. I have almost given up that she will become comfortable enough and let go of some assumed fears. All I want is for her wahala to stop. I just want her to get used to the fact that she has not given me a good reason to doubt the relationship.
There is so much unnecessary wahala (drama). It started to take a huge toll on me. I decided to take a few days to just take care of myself and focus on the Lord for strenght. I was starting to cry almost every single day and I was starting to internalize and overreact to everything.
I took some emotional time off. I wanted to let go of some stress and focus on God's love. I needed to remind myself that God has promised that his plans will result in a future and a hope. I needed to remember that whether I liked it or not God is the only one I need in life and everything else is jara (extra, icing on the cake). I needed to realize that no matter the circumstance and the outcome my needs has already been met because God is all I need! I needed to put God first and remember that the jara is not required, it's just extra blessing.
Ofcourse I knew this intellectually but I just needed to really absorb it and let it simmer in me. I have been praying and letting God just work in me. I wanted to do this because without it I was running the risk of making the things around me take over the place of God. Things were just taking uneccessary control over me.
God has been really gracious and I was starting to slowly come back to confiding solely on God. Another thing happened and it was almost back to square one but God helped me navigate through my emotions. He moved me to do some practical things to deal with this.
I woke up this morning expecting to be freaked out by the recent events but found myself with so much hope. I don't remember the last time I have felt hope like this. Hope from within. Hope that had nothing to do with my situation because based on the recent happenings I expected be in deep inner turmoil. I just know that this is God's doing and I am so grateful. I am grateful that he can teach me to depend on his consistancy and not really on this roller coaster ride called life.
Friday, October 3, 2008
My Response to: Does interracial relationship affect our women the same way as men?
ARTICLE
Does interracial relationship affect our women the same way as men?Posted by Prince Kennedy Iyoha on September 2, 2008 at 9:36am
have often listened to friends say, it is impossible for an interracial marriage to succeed. Many argue, that most of the children, fruits of such marriage, will never go to Africa with you, while others believe, that when you intend to retire after all your years in oversees, your family will desert you and then the irony of being alone will fall on you. I have on many occasion argue that though some brothers that came here before us may have suffered such terrible pains, some also have had a happy and successful interracial marriage and are happy to do so. This friends, never accepted my arguments, rather they argued that less than 10% have succeeded to return home with their family. My question is, do our women also suffer the same faith with our men? Does interracial relationship affect our women the same way as men?
MY RESPONSE
Permalink Reply by Ezichi 1 minute ago
Delete I think it all depends on how you handle your interracial marriage. Anyone can lose touch of certain friends and family members after they get married. It is up to them though to make it a point to keep family and friends that are important to them. Now, I am not saying that everything is a walk in the park. I do realize that it could be harder to keep those cultural and family connections together in a multi cultural relationship but if it is something that is important to you then you must work at it.
I think that the concern and the statistic you pose is not deniable but we need to consider all things. We need to consider what those men are doing to maintain their family relationships after they get married. You cannot get married, forget your family and friends (people @ home) for years and expect to just come back with open arms. How many of these men have tried to maintain their culture after they got married?
Another question. How many of these men even want to come back home? Are we just assuming that they want to come home and it has been impossible? Maybe, these men don't have it in their retirment plan to settle at home. I can't be that hard to try to settle in Nigeria especially with American income or British income and it being impossible! If there trully is a genuine will I feel like there definitely is a way.
Whether you are in an inter cultural relationship of even in a relationship with a fellow Naija you must make sure you express your intent to come home before marriage so that everybody has a clear expectation for their future. It might take a little more work to bridge cultural gaps in a multi cultural relationship but it is not impossible!
There are many responses to your final question. On one hand, it is easier for women to communicate and therefore it makes it easier for us to keep the connections that will eventually keep the relationships and enable a smoother trnsition back home. On another hand, men are to be "head" of their households and whn men marry, even across cultural line they will never lose the position they have in their fathers house. I mean, men get to keep their last names for Christ sakes. If they wanted to go back hime, back to their lands, back to their villages, no one can take that right away from them. They might need to be a little more aggressive if they have robbed some feathers but ultimately (culturally) they can still go back home. For women, it is a little harder.
So, to me the answer is a yes and a no. I really hope people consider these individuals that they assume have "closed their books on going back home." Ask the question, do these people even want to be back home? What have these people actually done to maintain their family and culture? In other words, analyse all the factors before jumping to the stated conclusion. I think that if they really do their research they will find that the seemingly obvious may not always be the case.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Mildred Loving Dies; Interracial Marriage Survives
RICHMOND, Va. (AP) ― Mildred Loving, a black woman whose challenge to Virginia's ban on interracial marriage led to a landmark Supreme Court ruling striking down such laws nationwide, has died, her daughter said Monday.
Peggy Fortune said Loving, 68, died Friday at her home in rural Milford. She did not disclose the cause of death.
"I want (people) to remember her as being strong and brave yet humble - and believed in love," Fortune told The Associated Press.
Loving and her white husband, Richard, changed history in 1967 when the U.S. Supreme Court upheld their right to marry. The ruling struck down laws banning racially mixed marriages in at least 17 states.
"There can be no doubt that restricting the freedom to marry solely because of racial classifications violates the central meaning of the equal protection clause," the court ruled in a unanimous decision.
Her husband died in 1975. Shy and soft-spoken, Loving shunned publicity and in a rare interview with The Associated Press last June, insisted she never wanted to be a hero - just a bride.
"It wasn't my doing," Loving said. "It was God's work."
Mildred Jeter was 11 when she and 17-year-old Richard began courting, according to Phyl Newbeck, a Vermont author who detailed the case in the 2004 book, "Virginia Hasn't Always Been for Lovers."
She became pregnant a few years later, she and Loving got married in Washington in 1958, when she was 18. Mildred told the AP she didn't realize it was illegal.
"I think my husband knew," Mildred said. "I think he thought (if) we were married, they couldn't bother us."
But they were arrested a few weeks after they returned to Central Point, their hometown in rural Caroline County north of Richmond. They pleaded guilty to charges of "cohabiting as man and wife, against the peace and dignity of the Commonwealth," according to their indictments.
They avoided jail time by agreeing to leave Virginia - the only home they'd known - for 25 years. They moved to Washington for several years, then launched a legal challenge by writing to Attorney General Robert F. Kennedy, who referred the case to the American Civil Liberties Union.
Attorneys later said the case came at the perfect time - just as lawmakers passed the Civil Rights Act, and as across the South, blacks were defying Jim Crow's hold.
"The law that threatened the Lovings with a year in jail was a vestige of a hateful, discriminatory past that could not stand in the face of the Lovings' quiet dignity," said Steven Shapiro, national legal director for the ACLU.
"We loved each other and got married," she told The Washington Evening Star in 1965, when the case was pending. "We are not marrying the state. The law should allow a person to marry anyone he wants."
After the Supreme Court ruled, the couple returned to Virginia, where they lived with their children, Donald, Peggy and Sidney. Each June 12, the anniversary of the ruling, Loving Day events around the country mark the advances of mixed-race couples.
Richard Loving died in a car accident that also injured his wife. "They said I had to leave the state once, and I left with my wife," he told the Star in 1965. "If necessary, I will leave Virginia again with my wife, but I am not going to divorce her."
(© 2008 The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.)
Monday, September 22, 2008
Naija woman + Oyibo Man Movies???
ABEG GET THE WORD OUT!! Maybe I should just travel to LA to show my support...
Random Nonsense!
Nigeria: Me, Sister and 2nd Cousin dad's side
Me! Ist California Visit! How time flies...
My Oh so awesome little brother
The boys and I.. I am the oldest. Can you tell
Funtimes. My friends representing @ my sis' party
Friendship from waaaay back
You already know!
Black Women & IR (Interracial Relationships)
CONCLSION
I am a strong supporter of love. I pay more attention to topics about black women in love because I am a black woman and these issues are close to my heart. I support black women in IR because it is different and it is beautiful. I hope to see many black women in IR staying together, getting married and commiting to a forever after with their hobbies. I pray that more people will find God because his value system far exceeds any other value system you can find. I believe that any relationship that puts God 1st will succeed. SO HAPPY LOVE!
My Nigeria
Nigeria, my home, my country of birth, the country of my father. I am an Igbo girl with a passion for my people! I eat rice almost every day and I can roll the biggest garry. I used to compire my garry with my father's and they used to remind me that I am a girl and I soundn't swallow fufu like a man. They said I will develope an adam's apple. The memories...
I wish people will understand my love for my country, my culture and my heritage. I wish the world will look at my history and realize that it would be almost impossible to snatch the Igbo girl out of me.
I understand how people coluld assume that being in an intercultural relationship could draw someone away from their culture but I shall argue that it is just perception. There are many factors to consider when it come to culture retention. It is not a one dimentional thing. Marrying into another culture does not automatically a person from their culture.
I believe that it is very important for people to remain true to themself in life, in love etc. For me this means remaining true to my values, my love for Christ, my love for my family and my love/passion for Nigeria.